Monicah: sad, serious but healing

Back in October, I posted Monicah's story; my colleague was preparing to be a mum.  She really liked the post, although she insisted I replace the photograph I initially published (of her in the mud, grinning) for a more formal one.  A few days after I posted it, she confided in me that as she'd guessed, she was expecting twins.

Then, in November, I was shocked to hear from my colleagues that Monicah had been rushed to hospital.  I heard the whole story when I visited her at home the following week. 

She was told at the hospital that her body was rejecting her twin babies, that they would need to 'flushed away'. Monicah and her husband Daudi couldn't believe it, and fought hard against the doctors for the chance to try the difficult alternative: complete bed rest for up to two months while she tries to carry them to term. When I visited her, she'd been in bed for 2 weeks, bored, hot and uncomfortable but very determined. She was trying to maintain a calm environment and so was refusing to watch television or listen to music but instead reading her favourite christian guidance books.  Her younger sister had traveled to Nairobi and moved in, and was responsible for preparing meals and doing all the housework. 

A week after I visited, after lying still for three solid weeks, Monicah went into early labour and gave birth to a boy and a girl.  The baby boy died but the girl survived the birth, and Monicah and Daudi and all her family waited in intensive care feeling sad and glad and praying for the tiny daughter.

I wish I had happier news to share, but a week after her brother, the baby girl also died.  In that week, Monicah texted me, 'It's been a storm that has wiped off all my joy but in all I should give thanks to God. He knows why I should go through all this.'

She went to stay at her rural home before Christmas to heal and be with her extended family, and she came back to work in January after a 3 month break.  Sad, serious, but healing slowly, Monicah is now talking about what happened, so it felt like the right time to share this update.

Children are very, very important in Kenyan culture, and I'd go so far to say that a woman's fertility is fundamental to their identity.  Even for educated women like Monicah, children are everything and although it is a personal loss, she feels it more keenly for her husband and husband's family. 

But it seems to me that Monicah is also a modern Kenyan woman, because her and her husband are paying to see a counsellor once a week. I can't imagine that her mother's generation or her rural age-mates would have that option, but I'm pleased it's available to her.

She plays with the children who visit in the office, and listens to every detail of the recent KUB births - there's a lot of new Dads grinning madly as they show off pictures of their newborns - although it must be hard for her.  It's clear she wants a family, and won't give up.